A little back story. Every year hundreds of Kenyans join the rest of the world to mark Global March For Elephants, Rhinos and Lions (GMFERL), which is celebrated on October 7. GMFERL is a worldwide call to action to condemn the poaching of elephants, rhinos and lions and the trafficking of wildlife trophies. The march also aims at rallying countries and their citizens against trafficking of wildlife trophies. In Kenya it’s normally organized courtesy of wildlife direct and stand up shout out.

There’s a time I used to attend the annual walks faithfully, but I don’t do it anymore. Here’s why.

It was October 2016. I had attended the walk with one of my aunts, my sister and her friends. We were halfway through the walk when I felt some sudden wetness on my head and thought it was sweat. Then, there was a florid smell of bird shit. I ignored it. Some kids who were walking a few steps behind me started laughing, shouting, “Angalia yule amepoopiwa na ndege”
This got my attention and I had no option but to look at myself and examine my backside, only to see my hair and part of my clothes colored in a green porridge-like material. More like vomit. Yuck!
I had to stop walking and think. First of all, my sister and Aunty were way ahead in the walk and to make it worse, they were not picking up their phones when I called. I tried so much not to cry even though it was a really sad time because I was used to people taking care of me and telling me what to do, but this time around I was all alone and had to think for myself. Crap. How is this done? Is this where the critical thinking I learnt back in primary school during the Life skills lessons come in?
I went to the nearest building and I explained to the female guard about my situation and she showed me to the washroom. Round of applause for her please, really, not all heroes wear caps. And to the person who came up with wet wipes, God bless you too! I took some and wiped that shit away.

Now dear readers, don’t blame me if I have a phobia of birds shitting on my head. What name can we give to this type of phobia? Bird shitophobia. No? Come up with a better name on the comments section below.

PS. I never finished the walk and it will take some big balls to attend another walk.